No time to read? Listen to the audio version.

The Expendables 2 Review
By Darrin Jones / August 17

Ingredients:  If you liked every 90’s action movie ever, then you will like this movie.

Alright folks I’m going to go through the summary part of the review as quickly as possible because, boy oh boy, do we have a lot of names. Barney Ross (as played by Sylvester Stallone) is the leader of a mercenary group known for taking impossible risks in dangerous locations. Lee Christamas (Jason Statham) is his second in command and the screen time/importance of the other team members are as follows: Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren) is the Swedish maniac and former genius, “Toll Road” (Randy Couture) is rough and tumble, “Hale Caesar” (Terry Crews) is strongest one there is, and “Billy the Kid” (Liam Hemsworth) is the new guy. (But when their powers combine they summon, well, Chuck Norris actually.)

The Expendables 2 takes place a few years after the events of the previous one. C.I.A. point man, Church (as played by Bruce Willis), doesn’t like how Ross’ crew handled the last job and is threatening them with prison time if they don’t make good on the next one. The Expendables are tasked with recovering the contents of a crashed plane but the mission goes sideways when a cartel-for-hire shows up headed by their insane leader, Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme.) The Expendables have to stop madman Vilain before his gang can smuggle five tons of weapons-grade plutonium out of Russia.

Still not sure if you want to see The Expendables 2 yet? Well let me just summarize the first 10 minutes and see if it appeals to you. BANG! CRASH! MACHINE GUN! EXPLOSION! ANOTHER EXPLOSION! GUN FIGHT! KNIFE FIGHT! Whoa, is that Arnold Schwarzenegger? BIGGER EXPLOSION! Title screen. Does that clear things up a little?

Of course The Expandables 2 is an action-fest but an action-fest with heart. The first Expendables didn’t have much of a plot or point beyond just putting a bunch of aging action stars in the same movie. Which probably made a few people wonder why they bothered making a sequel out of that jumbled mess. But The Expendables 2 does what a good sequel should do: be better then the previous one. The Expendables 2 gets rid of the old mistakes and builds on the successes.

The characters get some time to build and develop, hinting at their shady past without brooding too much. The action is gruesome and in-your-face but then there’s plenty of slower moments for the characters to just banter. Of course, with so many big names it’s hard for everyone to get the same screen time, leaving Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham to carry most of the film with their back-and-forth buddy routine. Honestly, the sexual tension in their bromance was incredible. I joke but the movie was a lot of fun. Especially once Van Damme gets involved. The first time Van Damme was introduced was the longest, funniest pissing contest I have ever seen.

So when you get right down to it, this is a nostalgia movie, pure and simple; they throw in everything. You want the action stars you grew up watching? Baam, here they are. You want macho guys talking about macho stuff but still remaining likable? We got it covered. You want hard-hitting emotional scenes that are hilarious because everyone’s to manly to cry? This movie was made for you! But as easy as it is to make fun of, there is just way to much charm not to like it. Goofy, funny, all around cheesy, but just so damn entertaining.


  1. Sounds like a fun flick! Oh, and I think you mean plutonium. Five tons of platinum wouldn't do much damage. ;-)

  2. Pfft, what if you dropped it on your foot? That would damage something. What you got to say to that smart guy? Huh? Huh?

  3. Solid review. I had a great time watching The Expendables 2. It’s a bad movie but it’s so much fun to watch and it’s very easy to defend because everyone involved was in on the joke. And that’s all that mattered to me.